“And these are they which are sown among the thorns; such as hear the word, and the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” Mark 4:18,19 KJV
June 30, 2020 I've been feeling choked lately. I've lost my balance, life swirling merciless around me. Although I know better, this lack of intentionality is still my default. And, the father of darkness knows that for me, this is all it takes. A couple of days of overwhelm, stack nicely on top of sleep deprivation, and the cycle of loss of control builds. Focus lost and meaningless stuff and tasks are given undue importance, all because I took my eyes off of my Rock, my Anchor. I began to be tossed and feel choked. I know I'm not living my best life; and this realization, potentiates the cycle of frustration. I begin losing precious moments to worry, anxiety welling up, and as the furry builds, so do mishaps, and Satan chuckles, and I scream, "Get out of here Satan! You're done here!" and I try to call him out of his scheme, but I quickly slip right back, and as feelings of utter overwhelm strangle me, I hear Jesus say, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." And I choose rest—a reset. I will walk away from the created chaos, and I will sink into His embrace and sleep. Knowing that tomorrow, what is truly important will remain, but for a time, I claim peace and rest.
July 7, 2020 The sound of the dogs barking stirs me from a restful sleep. Begrudgingly I get up to check on them. Shuffling back to bed, I anticipated no less than my return to slumber. But, as my head hits the pillow I suddenly feel utter darkness. Never before have I felt darkness; the weight of it consumes me and I am pushed back into my bed. Engulfed, I attempt to break free, but the pressure, the weight around my neck, is choking me and I realize I can’t breathe. In my mind I know, I just have to say Jesus' name to break free. And I push, and I fight, and I struggle, and with what feels like one last gasp I whisper Jesus and immediately I am released. The engulfing darkness gone. I sit up, catching my breath and I feel utter peace. A deep, tranquil peace. I have no remaining fear. I had never felt darkness and light like this- the immediate contrast from one extreme to the other could not be mistaken.