Discontent

Discovering God- Part Two

by Caroline on Mar 28, 2025 category Contintment, Discontent, Freedom, Intentionality, Living Fully, Purpose

“For You have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth, I have relied on You. You brought me forth from my mother’s womb.” Ps 71:5,6

Sincerely Serving

Before I walked away from the God of religion, I was faithfully going through all the “right” motions, doing everything I had been taught to serve Him wholeheartedly. I had been told what He expected of me, and I was determined to do it to the best of my ability. Despite my sincere desire to please Him, an emptiness remained.

I was exhausted from working hard to serve God through my actions, trying to be godly without relying on Jesus—unaware that I could never be enough without the covering of Christ’s blood. Jesus’ words in John 15:5, “… apart from Me, you can do nothing,” were just words from a memory verse.

Although I had learned about Jesus, I knew nothing about experiencing Him. Using my previous snorkeling analogy; nobody had told me that there was more than the beach, encouraged me to dive into the water, or provided me with the proper gear. I grew up in a religious culture that taught me to trust those around me because that was how things were and how they had been passed down. But I wasn’t truly living. I had yet to discover Jesus as the only way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6).

“Jesus answered: Don’t you know Me . . . even after I have been among you such a long time?” John 14:9

Using Shortcuts

Reflecting on my past with a clearer perspective, I realize I used religion as a shortcut. I tried to rely on the doctrine given to me to please God. This pursuit aimed to achieve salvation through obedience rather than recognizing my need for grace and a Savior. With this religious shortcut, I bypassed a genuine relationship with the Father, which can only be established by accepting the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. Furthermore, this religious shortcut neglected the reality of experiencing the Kingdom of God in the present through life in the Holy Spirit.

Discovery

By focusing my attention on the unaltered Word of God rather than on religious rules, God has opened my eyes to see who He truly is. This has required a significant level of openness and surrendering my beliefs. It has demanded a willingness to let go of what I once considered the truth to embrace the words found in the Bible. To discover God, I have had to accept that I do not fully understand who He is. I’ve learned that the only way to see Him is to approach Him with humility and a desire to know Him alone, through Jesus.

“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31

Making Jesus Lord

I have learned that if we are committed to being disciples of Jesus, we cannot follow anyone else. Elevating anyone’s words above the Word of God turns them into an idol. As I began to recognize this, I saw how idolatry had impacted my life. I knew the teachings of my church, but I didn’t know them from the Word of God. As I began to seek, I realized I held many beliefs, but I couldn’t articulate them beyond reciting what I had been told. I didn’t know the Holy Spirit as my only teacher (John 14:26).

If you are in a place where you have never questioned what you were raised to believe, and you continue to go through the motions faithfully, I can relate—I was there. But perhaps, like I did, you sense that something deeper and more life-giving is waiting to be uncovered. Something feels amiss, and I encourage you to consider that maybe God isn’t who you think He is.

Consider

I am not asking you to renounce your religion but rather to release it as a distraction from personally discovering God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Too often, the shortcuts created by religion lead us to follow a set of rules and doctrines based on the founder’s interpretation of scripture, causing many of us to follow without seeking God for ourselves. My purpose in writing this is to encourage you to personally discover Jesus through a simple shift in perspective that can transform everything!

I want to be the voice of a friend encouraging you not to settle for religious complacency but to develop your faith by seeking God through Jesus and nothing else. Bowing at the foot of the Cross every day in surrender is where we begin to experience life to the fullest (John 10:10)! Grow from your roots and lean into all that God has in store for you.

“The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” John 6:63

Waking Up

It wasn’t until I acknowledged my frustration and dissatisfaction that I could leave behind the only God I had known to discover a God I could truly experience. Stepping away opened me to new perspectives, an authentic life, and freedom in Jesus. By letting go of the pretense that I had it all figured out, I am learning to be taught by the Spirit. And He has revealed to me that it’s only in God’s Word that I discover who He is.

I now understand what Paul meant when he said in Romans 7:6: “But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.” When we surrender everything to God, including our beliefs about who He is, we begin to live the life He created us for.

Discovering Purpose

In 1646, The Westminster Shorter Catechism recorded this question, “What is the chief end of man?” I love the answer: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” From this perspective, every moment becomes an opportunity to reflect Jesus’ purpose: “that the world may know that I love the Father and I do exactly what my Father has commanded me…” (John 14:31).

Whether you’re searching for a God you don’t yet know or building on lifelong roots, keep seeking Him. Seeking God involves creating space for quietness and stillness and dedicating our time and energy to pursuing Him through His Word. As you listen for Him more, you will begin to recognize the tones of His voice. Life will start to feel less overwhelming, and you will begin to walk in anticipation of discovering the most authentic version of yourself as you come to know the One who created you. Here, you will find your purpose.

Come on!

Join me on this adventure, and God will not disappoint you! Start with ten to fifteen minutes daily in His Word. In my last post, I mentioned a Bible reading plan for the gospels; that’s a great starting point. When you’re ready to dive deeper, I’m using this Bible reading plan that guides readers through the entire Bible in a year. Of course, the specific plan you choose doesn’t matter; what truly matters is dedicating time to reading the Bible. It’s the only way to discover the realness of God for yourself. If you’re not doing this already, today is the perfect day to begin!

I can relate to every lyric of this song, listen here…🎶

Discovering God- Part One

by Caroline on Jan 31, 2025 category Discontent, Faith, Freedom, Intentionality, Living Fully, Purpose

Disconnected

If you’ve lost your way, don’t know what is true anymore, and feel numb, half-dead, no longer alive—Jesus can change everything. (John 1:4,5, Jer 31:9,25, Ps 43:3,5). There was a time when that statement would have felt prickly to me. And honestly, I might have wanted to punch you in the face if you’d told me that. Why? Because it was so cliche. I had real problems, a very real emptiness inside, and I didn’t need your empty religiosity.

But I now realize it’s so cliche until it isn’t. When Jesus became real to me, I realized He was exactly what I had been searching for. If you can relate, my heart aches for you to allow His Words into your soul—the soul that no longer seems to exist (Ps 116:7-9, Matt 11:28-30). Let Him show you a life that is abundant and full of purpose (John 10:10). Let Him teach you His ways and become your truth (John 14:6). God is waiting to be so much more than religious rhetoric.

Uncertainty

I think so often we spend our lives trying to please a God who doesn’t exist. When we make the choice, either deliberately or unintentionally, to walk away from God, we don’t realize that the “God” we have “known” isn’t the God of the Bible (John 8:54,55, John 12:40, Is 6:10). Here, we find ourselves in a broken, confusing place of uncertainty without grounding. We burn out, question everything, and walk away. We walk away from the God that left us empty, never discovering a relationship with our Creator.

This part of my story began from a place of brokenness, but I have learned that breakthroughs are birthed in these places. I felt like a shell of myself, uncertain of who I was. I was done, mentally checked out, and walked away from the God I knew. But walking away from that God left space for discovery.

Letting Go

The only way I discovered God was by walking away from the only God I knew—the God religion had taught me. The God who only loved me when I followed all the proper rules. The God who demanded perfection in exchange for eternal life. The God whose Son had a name but wasn’t my personal Savior. No, the God I knew then wasn’t the same God who sent Jesus wrapped in humanity to save me. I didn’t understand my need for Him; I adhered to the correct doctrine. That’s the God I walked away from. But instead of spiraling down a dark path devoid of God, He placed in me a desire to seek Him and Him alone (Ps 16:2,4,11).

Seeking

When  You  said, “Seek My face,” My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8

By God’s grace, in my vulnerable moments of questioning, I turned to His Word instead of the voices of this world (Ps 53:1). With curiosity and an open mind, I began reading the Bible as if for the first time. As I embarked on my adventure of seeking God, I vividly recall noting an exclamation point while reading Jeremiah 29:13 NCV, “You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!” I was seeking a God who was eager for me to seek Him. I had grown up with a foundation of faith, and now my initiation of that tiny speck that remained was all He needed to work with (Matt 17:20, John 6:44, Heb 11:6).

Taking a Chance in Faith

Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who genuinely want to find him. Hebrews 11:6

I longed to know who God was. I believed the Bible stories that had been instilled deep, and I wanted to know that God (Jer 31:31-33). The God I have discovered is nothing like who I thought He was. I learned the religious leaders crucified Jesus as He came to reveal the Father to us (Mark 15:1). He stirred up the people with His message (Luke 23:5). I invite you to let Jesus stir up your thinking about God and let Him introduce you to the One He came to declare (John 17:6-8,25,26). Jesus introduced me to a God who offers life, peace, and complete joy (John 14:19, 27, John 15:11). This God has given my life purpose and meaning (John 5:24, John 6:40).

If we choose to accept God’s Word as truth, we learn that only Jesus can reveal the One True God to us (John 1:16,17). Therefore, everything must begin with a relationship with Jesus. With this truth, we must beware that any teaching not founded on a personal relationship with Jesus is a false doctrine (Matt 15:6-9, Is 29:13).

A New Perspective

I considered this analogy while describing my discovery of God to a friend. Discovering God is like snorkeling. I had spent much of my life walking the ocean shoreline, unaware that a vibrant, hidden world of life and color was waiting to be discovered beneath the surface (John 4:42)! It’s worth putting on the gear and getting into the water. Here, true freedom awaits (Ps 116:16, Ps 118:5). Open yourself to imagine there is so much more to discover.

Intentionality

So, after experiencing disconnection and unbelief, I choose to believe. I choose to believe in a God who loves me so much that He gave His Son as a ransom to pay a debt I could never repay. I believe in the simplicity of God’s Word: if I have faith in Jesus, I receive life forever (John 3: 14-21). Because of this free gift, I show my love for Him by keeping His Words (John 14:15,21,23). The invitation stands: open the door of your heart and seek God while you can (Is 55:6, John 12:35,36, Rev 3:20). We have no guarantee of tomorrow, but we have this moment.

There are only two choices, and we must decide. If you choose Jesus, what do you really have to lose?

Walking it out

The best way to get to know Jesus is to read His Story. This link guides you to reading all the gospels in just 61 days, spending only a few minutes daily. If you are not ready for that commitment, I love the Book of John; start there. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to read as if you’ve never heard the words before and let Jesus teach you His ways and truth.

🎵 This song gets me every single time!!! Listen Here 🎶

Other related pieces of my story:

Rest

by Caroline on Jul 22, 2020 category Discontent, Faith, Intentionality, Simplicity

“And these are they which are sown among the thorns; such as hear the word, and the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” Mark 4:18,19 KJV

June 30, 2020

I've been feeling choked lately. I've lost my balance, life swirling merciless around me. Although I know better, this lack of intentionality is still my default. And, the father of darkness knows that for me, this is all it takes. A couple of days of overwhelm, stack nicely on top of sleep deprivation, and the cycle of loss of control builds. Focus lost and meaningless stuff and tasks are given undue importance, all because I took my eyes off of my Rock, my Anchor. I began to be tossed and feel choked. I know I'm not living my best life; and this realization, potentiates the cycle of frustration. I begin losing precious moments to worry, anxiety welling up, and as the furry builds, so do mishaps, and Satan chuckles, and I scream, "Get out of here Satan! You're done here!" and I try to call him out of his scheme, but I quickly slip right back, and as feelings of utter overwhelm strangle me, I hear Jesus say, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." And I choose rest—a reset. I will walk away from the created chaos, and I will sink into His embrace and sleep. Knowing that tomorrow, what is truly important will remain, but for a time, I claim peace and rest.

July 7, 2020

The sound of the dogs barking stirs me from a restful sleep. Begrudgingly I get up to check on them. Shuffling back to bed, I anticipated no less than my return to slumber. But, as my head hits the pillow I suddenly feel utter darkness. Never before have I felt darkness; the weight of it consumes me and I am pushed back into my bed. Engulfed, I attempt to break free, but the pressure, the weight around my neck, is choking me and I realize I can’t breathe. In my mind I know,  I just have to say Jesus' name to break free. And I push, and I fight, and I struggle, and with what feels like one last gasp I whisper Jesus and immediately I am released. The engulfing darkness gone. I sit up, catching my breath and I feel utter peace. A deep, tranquil peace. I have no remaining fear. I had never felt darkness and light like this- the immediate contrast from one extreme to the other could not be mistaken.

Read On

Subtle Victories

by Caroline on May 26, 2020 category Discontent, Intentionality, Simplicity

Much of what is sacred is hidden in the ordinary, everyday moments of our lives. To see something of the sacred in those moments takes slowing down so we can live our lives more reflectively.
Ken Gire

July 4 2019

It feels like one of those days. . . I woke up grumpy, human. A series of petty events rolling into a morning, knowing this is not how I want to spend my day with those that I love. I’m on the porch, a second cup of coffee, Bible open, looking for my reset. Wouldn’t the Father of all that is Evil, love to see me waste this day? Wrapped up in discontent, focused on imperfection. His victories are subtle, when we throw away our greatest gift; time- breath- fleeting moments. Today he will not be victorious.

God speaks to us in the whisper of our hearts, in the stillness. We can see His majesty as lightning crackles and dances across the night sky. And we feel Him in the warmth of sunbeams caressing our skin as they stream down from heaven. But, it’s in the silence we experience Him, learn the tones of His voice. Satan, always ready to pounce on an opportunity, has made it his objective to steal our silence. If he can keep us from being still, he has a victory. If our to-do list, full of well-intended activities and obligations, keeps us just busy enough, we won’t even realize what we are missing. It’s all connected. Too much to do, too little time- and the devil thinks, perfect.

Up early, without sufficient sleep, grumpy, fumbling for survival in a warm cup, mind foggy, drudging through obligations, it’s here that satan wins. By noon, we’re so wrapped up in ourselves and our problems, we haven’t even had a thought reach toward heaven. The midday bleeds into an overwhelming evening and exhausted and hopeless, we fall into bed, and Satan wins. It’s such a simple scheme, he thinks, they won’t even notice- and another day blurs into the next of meaningless existence

It doesn’t matter how well-intended or sacrificial the activities are that hold us captive. Satan doesn’t care whether we become a slave to consumerism trapped by debt or a slave to expectations and demands that we have allowed others to place upon us. A slave to sickness and disease; bodies overworked and abused or materialism, slaves to stuff. Church leadership, self-sacrifice for others- Satan doesn’t care, as long as it keeps us from hearing the still small voice. Our overcrowded schedules and complacent lives have so easily made us a slave to all, but Christ. The longing that begins as a whisper in our hearts, a flicker of hope so effortlessly snuffed out- as longs as we miss it, too consumed. He wins.

The exciting part is that we can take control, we have a choice! We can stop turning our time and lives mindlessly over to the one who wants to keep us from seeing Jesus. In sharing my journal entry I wanted to demonstrate how easy it can be to let Satan control the circumstances of a day. We have to commit to living positively daily; otherwise, by default, he will win.

Retrospect- Part Three

by Caroline on May 11, 2020 category Discontent, International Adoption, Simplicity

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track." 
Proverbs 3:5,6 Message

Quiet time took on a new intensity as I interrogated the Creator, “God was that You?” Events began falling into place as we began a year of research into the world of adoption. A new prayer emerged from my heart, “Lord if this is Your will, lead us to our child, Your child.” Words from Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you…” played through my mind. I was learning to trust.

I don’t want to forget the emotional anticipation of expecting a child, linked to never-ending paperwork and fees and appointments. A new whirlwind of life began adding another layer of overwhelm to my already overfilled life. No longer did I daily set aside time for reflection, so driving to the hospital became my only respite. During these times, I thought about the irony of working so hard to complete our family while the increased stress was pushing us apart. Instead of a child, emptiness was again growing inside of me. What would it be like to just walk away? The thought tore through me. I rationalized, he seems miserable, I am short-tempered and exhausted, and she is probably young enough not to remember. What if I left? My heart pounded as I let this thought sit with me as I drove to work, numb. I was alarmed at how easily the speculation had surfaced. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, but there had to be more to life than this mere existence.

I don’t want to forget the moment I heard the ominous train sound and realized he wasn’t by my side. In that split second, I couldn’t imagine life without him, without us. As wide-eyed teenagers we had taken a chance at love, marrying almost a decade later. Now, after 12 years of a ritualistic marriage, I was ready to commit my heart. A new resolve took root, and I vowed to find us. No longer was I willing to accept this existence, dictated by to-do-lists. The tornado had left our roof in our yard, and the unforgiving rain had rendered our home unlivable, but in the displacement, I began to find a new appreciation for the little things. It was during the disruption that we received an email that would redirect our focus.